Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
