Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
