of course. lets lasso hookers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need a beard to bite.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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