She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
