im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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