to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
