If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
