pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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