you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
