I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
