I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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