that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
