Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
