If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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