I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
