I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
