it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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