i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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