i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
