She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
