but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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