community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
