I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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