god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
