GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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