You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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