she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
