My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
