Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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