Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
