i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
