He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
