I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
