halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
