woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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