My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
