he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
