I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
