Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
