At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
