She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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