I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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