He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
