Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
