He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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