Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
