if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
