Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Boobs speak an international language.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
