I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize