i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
