butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
