I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
