i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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