Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
