Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
