And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
