I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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