Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
