I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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