I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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