What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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